When it comes to antibullying messages, the one statement I HATE the most is the one that basically says, "Bullies can only hurt you if you let them."
Do you know what that says to me? The same message says to me, "It's your fault you get hurt by those words because you choose to feel hurt."
"Letting" implies a conscious choice. I don't think a person's true emotional sensitivity is a choice just as sexual orientation isn't a choice. You're either born one way or another. Some people are more sensitive than others. I happen to be a sensitive person. While I try not to take everything as personally as I used to, the things people sometimes say to me can and do hurt. The only thing I can do is control my response. This is easier online, where my face isn't seen by the other person and I can just delete a comment without reading it. It was different IRL, where the reaction was visible on my face.
How about this: Some people are just better at hiding their pain than others. I am not one of those people. I never was. The bullies knew that I produced immediate results and no matter what I did I was helpless to stop myself from reacting. Believe me, I TRIED. I tried EVERYTHING to not react and it never, ever worked.
Other people out there do a better job of controlling their reaction to bullies. I applaud those who can look indifferent in the moment and go home to let out their anger on a pillow or a video game. This is one instance where I think video games may be of benefit. Let kids go home and take out their anger on pixels instead of real people. (Just make sure you teach them that real life is not like a game and playing with guns or beating people up IRL is a bad idea! Self defense is one thing, going up to somebody and punching them in the face is another.)
I remember how I went home after school and played Mortal Kombat II, Killer Instinct or Street Fighter II on the Super Nintendo. They were violent beat-em-up fighting games. I wasn't very good at them, but it got some of that rage out. At least until I got sick of losing and got mad at the games, LOL! Then I liked to turn on an RPG and take the hate out on random monsters using spells and swords.*
My point is--sometimes, people are just sensitive and can't hide that they are. That is NOT a bad thing, and implied blame should NOT be placed on a sensitive person if they get bullied.
* Not so secret: My favorite video game ever is actually Tetris, but if you ask me to list my favorite RPG it's Chrono Trigger. I'm so old and I miss my Super Nintendo. :P
Do you know what that says to me? The same message says to me, "It's your fault you get hurt by those words because you choose to feel hurt."
"Letting" implies a conscious choice. I don't think a person's true emotional sensitivity is a choice just as sexual orientation isn't a choice. You're either born one way or another. Some people are more sensitive than others. I happen to be a sensitive person. While I try not to take everything as personally as I used to, the things people sometimes say to me can and do hurt. The only thing I can do is control my response. This is easier online, where my face isn't seen by the other person and I can just delete a comment without reading it. It was different IRL, where the reaction was visible on my face.
How about this: Some people are just better at hiding their pain than others. I am not one of those people. I never was. The bullies knew that I produced immediate results and no matter what I did I was helpless to stop myself from reacting. Believe me, I TRIED. I tried EVERYTHING to not react and it never, ever worked.
Other people out there do a better job of controlling their reaction to bullies. I applaud those who can look indifferent in the moment and go home to let out their anger on a pillow or a video game. This is one instance where I think video games may be of benefit. Let kids go home and take out their anger on pixels instead of real people. (Just make sure you teach them that real life is not like a game and playing with guns or beating people up IRL is a bad idea! Self defense is one thing, going up to somebody and punching them in the face is another.)
I remember how I went home after school and played Mortal Kombat II, Killer Instinct or Street Fighter II on the Super Nintendo. They were violent beat-em-up fighting games. I wasn't very good at them, but it got some of that rage out. At least until I got sick of losing and got mad at the games, LOL! Then I liked to turn on an RPG and take the hate out on random monsters using spells and swords.*
My point is--sometimes, people are just sensitive and can't hide that they are. That is NOT a bad thing, and implied blame should NOT be placed on a sensitive person if they get bullied.
* Not so secret: My favorite video game ever is actually Tetris, but if you ask me to list my favorite RPG it's Chrono Trigger. I'm so old and I miss my Super Nintendo. :P
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