Affirmations For Bullying Victims blog

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Small update

6/4/2021

I’m trying this from mobile and it’s been one headache after another. I regret that I had to change the online resources page to unclickable links because weebly keeps breaking any new external links I try to add. Part of the reason I haven’t been around is this website becomes more and more difficult to edit as time goes on and I only know the most basic html. I will keep trying, but if everything I try fails, the links will remain unclickable.
(Update: Success, the links are clickable again!)
I’m going to be 41 this year, so I’m not a teenager who can whizz around page editing like it’s nothing. People who can are so lucky.

Anyway, don’t be a bully!

Currently suspended on twitter for unfair reasons. (Update: Unlocked!)

3/24/2018

UPDATE: It was an automated thing that locked me, not a person trying to silence me. Twitter has unlocked my account again. What a relief!

I went into some twitter hashtags where parents were posting awful things about autistic people. I began to refute the claims because the claims were harmful to life and health. I was using hyperbole and imitating the language of parents making gross unfounded claims about vaccines causing autism and other ailments. Ironically, my account was suspended for "suspicious automated activity" while the parents making gross statements walked off scott free.

I don't have a cell phone to verify my account with, so I'm trying to talk twitter into reinstating my account using some other verification method. Until then, my twitter is dark.

The most infuriating thing was a mother calling me a bully almost in the same breath she typed about hating her child's autism. You can't love one part of somebody and hate another. You can't love somebody and hate the backbone of what makes them who they are. Autism shapes people, and saying you hate it is to say you hate the person.

And that's bullying.

As usual, I get in trouble for trying to refute the vaccines-cause-autism misinformation. The man who came up with that claim lost his medical license anyway, but the unhealthy rumor remains. It's just like school used to treat me-- I got in trouble for asserting myself and standing up for people who can't do it themselves.

I'm not going to let this go lightly, but I may never see Twitter again. If that happens, I will remove my references to twitter off all the AFBV pages.

Finally, yes, I know, I haven't been updating this blog very often. Much of what I want or need to say is being said on other websites by people who are much better at words than I am.

3 years of Affirmations. #AFBV

10/17/2015

BULLYING: My Story of Survival

7/15/2015

I put my story on my Youtube channel. A ten-part series of what I went through. I only shared my worst, most traumatic experiences in brutal detail. You see and hear it as I talk and relive horrible things. It isn't all negativity and pain; I also shared how I healed and how I'm still a work in progress.

My hope is BULLYING: My Story of Survival inspires people who are being bullied to hang on. I also hope it shows anyone who is being a bully right now what kind of damage they're doing and how long-term it will last.

Maybe it will make one person realize what they're doing and stop bullying. Maybe it will save someone's life. Whichever, I want to use my strength to help anyone who needs it.

I am giving my light to the world so those who have none can glow, too.

Take my light. Take it and shine.

This is Cyberbullying and IT IS NOT OKAY!!

2/4/2015

I'm posting this video to get this message out. I witnessed something so disgusting that I couldn't keep myself quiet. I prayed on the matter and then I made this video. Cyberbullying is not okay. BULLYING IN ANY FORM IS NEVER OKAY AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE OKAY WITH SEEING IT HAPPEN.

The screencaps in the video can be seen here: imgur.com/a/AqP5f

The music is from my cover of Demi Lovato's "Skyscraper".

I know what it's like to think everyone wants me to die and NOBODY deserves to feel like that. So if you're one of those people who sends things like that, grow the hell up or get off the internet.

The 2nd Anniversary of My Message! Doing what I did two years ago!

10/17/2014

Doing what I love to promote love!

10/5/2014

I am so sorry that I haven't been around lately. I have a family member who is suffering with advanced Parkinson's and he can't really do anything for himself anymore. This is the first time I've been able to sit down and write a blog entry without being interrupted and losing my train of thought!

That said...

The Affirmations for Bullying Victims message will be two years old on October 17th, 2014.

In light of that, I made a special video of my choir. There's a surprise in it!

The story of a woman...

4/22/2014

There was once a girl who went through Hell.

Until one day she realized her worth did not depend on the opinions of others.

For the first time in her life, she could look in the mirror and believe herself beautiful.

She found her inner flame.

Then she looked around at the surrounding darkness and shared her light with others.

This is a woman who now knows why God put her on this green Earth.

She carries a flame within her and lights any darkened candle she sees.

I found and answered my old suicide note.

4/22/2014

Note

I answered my old suicide note. My sloppy handwriting hasn’t changed over the years, but I have.

In case it’s illegible to others, here’s what the notes say.

—-

Dear you--

I hope I can read this from Heaven. That is where I might be.

I don’t matter here and nobody notices how bad I feel.

I tasted a toilet today.

I’m done. All’s I can do is die and get this done. Everybody is better off without me. I don’t deserve to live. I suck and I’m so ugly. I deserve nothing good.

I am sorry.

Cyndi 1996

—————————--

Dear You--

You’re still here. Look at yourself. You survived. You achieved some of your biggest dreams. You are using your pain to help others.

You do matter here. You’re making other people see their own worth. Your message made a girl put down her razor.

You’re still here. You made it.

It got better.

Love,

Cyndi 2014

—--

To bullying survivors out there: I challenge you to write an answer to your suicide notes. What would you say to your younger self now?

Learning confidence.

3/26/2014

Many apologies for the lack of updates. My dad's health issues make it difficult to maintain all my social media. I spend much of my time on my tumblr blog, which is http://butterflyinthewell.tumblr.com.

What does it mean to be confident? I think I finally found the answer to holding up my own.

We all want to be perfect. We want to appear so perfect that nobody can find fault with us. So when that happens, when someone points out a flaw, a person will crash down even if everyone else is telling them they're beautiful. Because not everyone is telling them that. If one person says "ew" out of nine hundred who say "wow" then the perfection is shattered. People get defensive about their imperfections. People don't LIKE that illusion broken.

I have learned to accept my imperfections. I recognize I have flaws. Everyone has them. I'm still a fortress, but the walls have holes that let insults pass through and come out behind me without touching me because I know they're there. Instead of being angry, I just acknowledge that someone said something petty and move on, thinking, "yes, I'm aware of that. And?"

I wish I knew that in high school.

Welcome to the AFBV blog!

You are cared about.

You are cared about!

My name is Cyndi, and I am a bullying survivor.

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